25 Cent Progress

Elizabeth / I'm not used to seeing the number go DOWN, I was so psyched I've been telling everyone within a five mile radius. Don't blow my high with the all too familiar - It's just water weight. Heh, anyways.

I don't think I ever shared what my goal is. See, working at a mall leaves you with very few choices for lunch, and I have made some pretty BAD choices since i started working there about 2 and a half years ago. My goal is to be the Pre-Sprint sized Liz, a healthier happier version of it, but that size none-the-less.

See, Katie and I used to live together on the East side, and we were little vixen partiers. Well, one thing led to another and before we knew it, we were spending all of our fundage on going on or funning in and not on food. It all was gas, rent, drinks, etc... Obviously there are better ways of enjoying our bad selves, as we discovered, and there are better ways to live than starvation. And the thing about starvation is that eventually you need to eat, and when you do you probably won't stop.

Anyways, I've got to head on my work walk. It's a long hour, but so worth the freedom of not waiting on a car ride or praying that something doesn't die on my truck. I know, I know, it's only great when the weather is great. Moving on. Love me down. I'm peacing out.

No Truck? No Problem.

Elizabeth / It seems that things are looking up for me. I hadn't had time to exercise because I was working open to close. Well, I'm still working open to close, but now I HAVE to exercise. It's funny how things work out like that. Wish me luck on those late night walks. Thanks. Peace.

And I'm Awake...

Elizabeth / Good morning world, it's a bright and sun-shiney (errr... will be) Sunday morning. This week was long and tiring, and only continues to be more of both; however, I feel better about my standing in the world. As crazy as it was, I may be willing to pull something like that more often if I get the results like I did last week. I just feel like a stack of nothing if I don't get things accomplished at work.

Any ways, getting to the point. My crazy sleep schedule has put a strain on me waking up early to bike and make lunch/breakfast. I barely get to Valley on time, let alone the rest... I hate sleep aids, but it's a serious consideration if it could help me get from 3/4AM to 7AM where I belong. I ended up buying lunch for JJ's or DR Deli every day, which feels like a waste when I have the stuff I need at home. Bah!

Well, I'm off to paint the rims of some of my canvases in hopes that I'll hang them around my apartment soon. It's kind of nerve racking to hang my artwork, because I'm not to swell with people making fun of my style. Meh, if they're in my living space, I can punch them if they're rude, right? Right. Peace, love and kitties (meow). Night world, and soon good morning.

Had a Bad Day Again.

Kathryn / Today has been long and pitiful. Ugh... No slip ups just a horrible, disappointing day. I hope tomorrow is a better adventure then today has been.

Someone is Watching You ... Eat!

Kathryn / I've been chastising myself mentally at work for staring at delicious, horrible food! Working at an upscale cafe in the deli department doesn't help this whole "bettering myself" situation. I'm sure someone out there knows the struggle of preparing a scrumptious sandwich and handing it off the lucky customer who will be devouring all 1000+ calories of it in total bliss.... while I wait in agony for my lunch break. What do I do on that half hour break you ask? Count calories and hope to see results.

(I'm just venting here, not giving up)

Now, back to the chastising part. To help prevent a possible relapse into my fat jeans I've decided that every time I start fantasizing about that giant chocolate chip cookie that is laying in the warmer calling my name or the mouth watering taco salad at the station next to me I will have Lil' Liz on my shoulder beating me over the head with the FAT STICK. I have to have some sort of back up, literally!

I make jokes and laugh about this but honestly it makes me very, very embarrassed and sad that I have to HAVE a back up. My will power alone isn't enough? How pathetic! I quit smoking, cold turkey but I can't shed some pounds without a serious struggle.... :'( - I suppose the upside is we're not using any magic pills, or starving ourselves (though we both know that works). We're doing this the "old fashioned" way: BLOOD?, SWEAT AND TEARS... ;)

Blogging is a savior! This really helps relieve all the built up pressure from the day and takes the edge off of whatever event or trial that presents itself. I'm enjoying the escape this has created, blogging is the bomb digity!!! Even if it's because I'm a fat lard... BAHAHAHA!

Night All... This is Lil' Gal signing off, I'm outie 5000

The Bitch I'm Divorcing

Elizabeth / I slept maybe two hours last night, which is rough because I was worn out from actually doing exercise. I couldn't sleep because I had this large, nagging headache. It was like I got married and pissed off a woman. If so, she screamed ALL night and kicked me while I was down. I think it was the lack of caffeine in my diet, I've never worried about what I consume until now, and I haven't had any pop since Sunday... would this really be affecting me so harshly NOW?

Lord, if so - pop is not worth this hot mess I'm in now. Speaking of hot, it is sweltering outside, which has put a halt on any outside activities. I'm not big on sweating, and I prefer to be freezing cold over hot and/or humid. I think it's something all heavier set people feel, but who knows.

The sum of today's post is that I'm still getting over being sick (full lungs and coughing), I picked the worst possible time of the month to get involved in activities (fever and bitch) and now I've added a headache (which I get rarely) into this whole sloppy story. Bah! I'll check in when I'm in a better mood. Peace.

Energy - I have it.

Elizabeth / It's about time to turn in if I am to get up in the morning for an hour on my slave-driver bike (the damn thing taunts me with the numbers blinking on the screen). My mind was clear and alert this morning as I got to work and addressed some of the businesses on my list to call. I felt like I could offer them the world and then deliver.

That's a good feeling. Fuck - if all it took was eating Cheerios before I got there, I'll do it again. But, it's not just breakfast. It's about turning down chili cheese fries that are in a steaming pile in front of you, about not sleeping in when your alarm is telling you to bike, about being proud of your not so fun to enact decision.

I think I told everyone at Valley today that I'm getting healthy. I was met with smiles and a lot of "but you're not fat" - psh. I definitely don't need to be enabled at this point. I just want to be something more than I am right now. New goal in this whole endeavor is to paint more, and so I shall. Goodnight.

Dieting Rule #1 - Breakfast Is The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Elizabeth / I hate regulating anything, and I dislike exercise to the fucking nth degree. But, we have a plan. We have a plan and we plan to use it. (heehee) For the first time in my life, since my grandparents used to watch me and my sis, I am going to eat breakfast on a regular basis. Ew.

Kathryn / Part of the plan is exercise, I'm going to have to force my good friend Liz to do it. Luckily, I just got a new job where I'm on my feet constantly running around. Also, I don't have a car and need to take the bus. I'm essentially on my feet all day. After work I plan to get a solid half hour in. Liz brought me home a Bluetooth and we are going to talk as we walk at night (due to her living Westside and me Southside).

Elizabeth / I hate living so far away from a workout buddy, thankfully we have incorporated this BA plan.

Kathryn / I'm so excited because I feel this is the last step for me from moving from the person I am to the person that I truly want to be.

Elizabeth / And I'm so excited because I'll have even more of a reason to take pictures of myself naked!

Kathryn / I just love it because if we're walking around at night (sometimes later than 9PM because of Liz's job) and someone tries to mug or rape us, at least one person in the world will know why one of us disappeared.

Elizabeth / Yeesh. (headsmack) Well, I think we'll cover more tomorrow when we introduce Rule #2 - Full Night's Sleep.

Getting Lil' Gal Back

Kathryn / I don't feel like Lil' Gal any more, I feel like chubby gal. This time last year I was insanely proud about maintaining my weight, a healthy weight and not having to dress to work around my weight. I WAS SEXY!!! I was genuinely happy with that aspect of my life. In the past year my life has once again become stressful and hard to maintain, I'm not saying that's an excuse but I do feel like when "shit hits the fan" I stop feeling optimistic and that has reflected in my waste line. With that I've gained back the weight I said I never would again.

I don't want this to be a dirty retrospection. I want it to be a catalogue of growth. You and I will see how I've taken nothing and made it something yet again. I want to live in a happy, healthy environment. I want to care again.

I met Alex and was (still am) totally in love and wasn't as self conscience about my body. Everyone has fears, but I felt so much more readily comfortable. I can't even fathom that openness any more. I'm grateful that he loves me for who I am, through all of the changes I've gone through physically. That said, I want what I feel on the inside to be reflected on my outside. To be what I have been, and know I can be again. This journey is about liking who I am, so that I have even more time to share my love with the people in my life.

I don't want to sit here and list my stats about where I am now and progressing daily. I don't think that's important. The idea of this blog is to morally support each other through huge changes that at times will seem devastating. This is going to rock our worlds. I'm so very happy to be teamed with one of the greatest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Captain Kirk. Love you long time sister!

I recently stopped smoking and drinking like a fish. I've been making big changes and this is the final step to being a happy, young healthy individual. The clarity I've found in those first two decisions has been incredible. I'm exhilarated to find out what this next move has in store for me. Your love and support is appreciated.

Cleaning Out The Kitchen

Elizabeth / Today is not one that I am going to relish; however, I do not relish the size of my ass either, so dumping out food-happiness is something I am willing to do. We are going to go through my kitchen and remove the chocolate I keep in my freezer, the insane amounts of pasta I keep in my cupboards, the bacon I keep in my fridge, and so and and so forth. I am going to bag it all up and give it away to some food shelter or family in need.

I am going to miss being the girl that can eat whatever she wants when she goes to dinner. I am going to miss going on a Bucks run and asking for the whipped cream or bust! I am going to miss not caring about what I have for dessert... or even HAVING dessert. I really love dessert.

I am not going to miss how long it takes me to dress in the morning. I am not going to miss the fact that shopping for clothes is a torture right now. I am not going to miss laying around naked and wondering how terrible I might look to someone else.

The fact is that I love me, I'm an egotist down to my very core. I love my ass, I love my face, I think I have pretty wrists and swinging hips, and adorable little tits. Loving myself isn't enough any more. There are other people involved in my life that are affected negatively by my decisions, whether they know it or not.

I've become unhealthy. I get really tired. I am miserable in the middle of the day. I have little to no energy when I am stressed out. My body is just not performing the way that it needs to be. It makes me cranky and bitchy to this level I've never seen before. Wandering Des Moines has become a chore, and I feel boo-tired after running errands.

And the most important aspect to me is that I want to have children, not too terribly far in the future. I want my children to have a healthy mother and a good example. I also want to be desirable to my mate, whoever the fuck he is, for years and years to come. I'm a sexual creature and I don't want to ever, ever know a life without sex in my marriage.

Long in the short, I want to change for my future. And who better to help me along this travel than my friend of 8 years, Miss Kathryn Eleanor. Wish me luck?